Post by Nathan on Dec 14, 2004 20:51:11 GMT -6
"Insert Humorous Title Here"
by
Nathan Shepard and Jacob Scharer
Once upon a time on Uranus there was a group of Martians. The year was 4126 and it was Tuesday. The Martian leader wanted to make a sandwich one day but had no bread! How sad. The Martian goes to grandma’s house to ask for bread, but to his embarrassment she was completing her photosynthesis cycle, he had to leave, immediately! The Martian then decides to visit a friend who just moved onto Uranus. Seeming to forget about his sandwich he says “AcgJXY zi sY % e.T. 3__6 @yahoo.com gX hy bI + Hj iiil ne jxxx5 ~~~,” to his friend. This roughly translates into “hi.” Being hungry from traveling to Uranus the new Martian, John, and the Martian leader, Eqjglneb or Egg, went out for bread.
They went into the deep, dark, sulfurous caves of Uranus to look for loaves of bread. Why? Because it’s Uranus. Duh. After three horrible days exploring the long, dark, and moist caves of Uranus they met a giant monkey. “Good day,” says the monkey, “I have been expecting you.” Then suddenly Egg, the Martian leader, threw a spear into the monkey’s fourth eye and it died. Poor monkey. However they stole the Monkey’s jet ski, which made it very easy to travel across Uranus.
Out of nowhere, heaven actually, the god of Uranus descended onto John and Egg. The god spoke: “Yo yo, what’s up homies?” Egg then challenges the god to an arm wrestling contest. The stakes would be if Egg won he got all the bread he ever wanted. If the god won, however, Egg would have to give him a foot massage, and yes, gods do have feet, they are the size of Pluto… the planet! The contest begins and Egg pushes the god’s hand within a millimeter from the table, closer, closer, closer, Egg is so close to winning he can feel the bread in his nose already! But then the god wins. The god the gives Egg some bread for being a good sport. Also the god says the Egg doesn’t have to rub his feet, he’ll have Jesus do that. “Besides,” says the god, “he’s grounded for not cleaning his room.” Get it? Because Jesus is god’s son! Ha ha! Don’t sue us.
Magically the god transports everyone (including Jesus and the monkey) back to Egg’s house where Egg makes them all a round of peanut butter and jelly (yum) sandwiches. But just as he opens the peanut butter jar he realizes, to his horror, that is was empty.
The moral: There is no peanut butter on Uranus.
by
Nathan Shepard and Jacob Scharer
Once upon a time on Uranus there was a group of Martians. The year was 4126 and it was Tuesday. The Martian leader wanted to make a sandwich one day but had no bread! How sad. The Martian goes to grandma’s house to ask for bread, but to his embarrassment she was completing her photosynthesis cycle, he had to leave, immediately! The Martian then decides to visit a friend who just moved onto Uranus. Seeming to forget about his sandwich he says “AcgJXY zi sY % e.T. 3__6 @yahoo.com gX hy bI + Hj iiil ne jxxx5 ~~~,” to his friend. This roughly translates into “hi.” Being hungry from traveling to Uranus the new Martian, John, and the Martian leader, Eqjglneb or Egg, went out for bread.
They went into the deep, dark, sulfurous caves of Uranus to look for loaves of bread. Why? Because it’s Uranus. Duh. After three horrible days exploring the long, dark, and moist caves of Uranus they met a giant monkey. “Good day,” says the monkey, “I have been expecting you.” Then suddenly Egg, the Martian leader, threw a spear into the monkey’s fourth eye and it died. Poor monkey. However they stole the Monkey’s jet ski, which made it very easy to travel across Uranus.
Out of nowhere, heaven actually, the god of Uranus descended onto John and Egg. The god spoke: “Yo yo, what’s up homies?” Egg then challenges the god to an arm wrestling contest. The stakes would be if Egg won he got all the bread he ever wanted. If the god won, however, Egg would have to give him a foot massage, and yes, gods do have feet, they are the size of Pluto… the planet! The contest begins and Egg pushes the god’s hand within a millimeter from the table, closer, closer, closer, Egg is so close to winning he can feel the bread in his nose already! But then the god wins. The god the gives Egg some bread for being a good sport. Also the god says the Egg doesn’t have to rub his feet, he’ll have Jesus do that. “Besides,” says the god, “he’s grounded for not cleaning his room.” Get it? Because Jesus is god’s son! Ha ha! Don’t sue us.
Magically the god transports everyone (including Jesus and the monkey) back to Egg’s house where Egg makes them all a round of peanut butter and jelly (yum) sandwiches. But just as he opens the peanut butter jar he realizes, to his horror, that is was empty.
The moral: There is no peanut butter on Uranus.