All My Mehlville: Episode Four

[Nathan]

All My Mehlville
Vengeance Trilogy

A Drama Written by Nathan Shepard

Episode Four: “Revenge, a Dish Best Served…With a Side of Soup”

Narrator: The Foundations Trilogy ended with the beginning of World War III. We’re gonna piss you all off by completely skipping WWIII and begin our story after the war.

Scene: A barren field, seemingly post-apocalyptic.

Nathan: Wait… this scene is all wrong… there should be no post-apocalyptic fields in this story! WWIII was resolved over tea and crumpets in England. America apologized for completely destroying Quebec and the other countries said they really didn’t care about Quebec; they were just upset we didn’t tell them first.

Narrator: Oh, sorry, here…

Scene: Mehlville High School

Nathan: Much better. Anyway… today is the first day of the second semester! That means I have a chance to get an “A” in English and Algebra! [In an evil voice] I hate algebra so much! [In normal voice] That means I need to study harder!

Sherry: You know what else the first day of second semester means? [In a dreamy voice] Craig has transferred to our school! [Sherry looks to the heavens as her eyes twinkle in anticipation]

Nathan: Oh, yes… how wonderful… [Stifles laughter] Anyway, let’s get on with the story, shall we?

Sherry: Yes… wait… what story? We’re characters in this drama, we’re not supposed to be aware of the fact that this is a drama!

Nathan: [pauses] Oh, yeah. Then, um, what should we do today?

Narrator: This scene is going nowhere fast; let me take you faithful viewers where something is actually happening.

Scene: Prep Patrol evil underground secret lair.
Narrator: [whispers] hey, this evil underground secret lair is really just the storage closet in the Lower Commons… shhh, don’t tell anyone.

Nicole: I can’t believe this!

Faceless conforming prep: Can’t believe what, oh wonderful leader?

Nicole: That damned Nathan! He has ignored my subtle cries for attention!

Prep: Perhaps you should be more obvious?

Nicole: If I get anymore obvious I may be arrested for prostitution!



Prep: Oh dear god no!!!

Nicole: Yes, that would be horrible if I were to be arrested for making my love for him known. But, ironically, I will now make him suffer for his ignorance!! [Laughs manically]

Prep: Oh, yeah… [Fake laughs to please Nicole]

Scene: German club

Tree: Isn’t it great that the Preps and Freaks have all united and we are enjoying a time of peace?

Nathan: I think it’s great they all united under me!

Tree: Yeah, well, you’re crazy… and I’m serious here, you are insane Nate!

Nathan: Hey, don’t mess with me; I’m in command of almost every student at this school. [glares at Tree]

Sherry: Now, now, play nice you two. [sighs] I wish Craig were here, but he takes Spanish.

Narrator: Just then…

[Craig walks through the door, which is emitting a bright light]

Craig: Hi.
Sherry: Oh, my dearest Craig! Why are you here? Not that I mind, but, it is rather peculiar!

Craig: Well, there is actually a very logical explanation…

Nathan: Peculiar, you say? This is obviously NOT Craig, the one you love Sherry, for he is not a German student! He is obviously someone in disguise!

Tree: Perhaps it’s that Shadow guy from the last trilogy! [she runs up to Craig and begins pulling at the skin on his face] This… must be… a…. mask!

Craig: Oh stop! Oh dear god stop!! You’re tearing off my skin!! For the love of all that is holy, stop!!!! [his skin is completely ripped off, revealing only the muscles and sinews under his face]

All in room: oh, man… GROSS!!!!!

[one student vomits]

Tree: My bad, I guess I don’t know my own strength. [shrugs]

Craig: [weakly] Could someone… call a doctor? I think this could get infected.

Sherry: Oh no, my poor Craig! I’ll make you pay for this Nathan!

Nathan: What? Me?? Why??

Sherry: You always made fun of me, saying I liked Craig… now I’m gonna make you regret it!

Tree: Well, obviously you like Craig if you are swearing revenge on your best friend. And I’m the one who pulled off his friggin’ face!

Sherry: Then I swear revenge on both of you! Once Craig’s face grows back we’ll form a super duo like you two… and fight you!

[Sherry helps Craig out of the room and they go to conspire, and get some skin grafts]

Nathan: Damn… this is almost as weird as that time she wanted to race emus.

Emily: Don’t forget the time with the platypuses! That was weird. Good times, good times.

Tree: Don’t worry Nathan, they don’t have super powers, we do. Remember all that fancy anime-type stuff we do?

Nathan: Yeah… that’s right.

Scene: Outside the Prep Patrol secret lair.

Sherry: I forgot that they had super powers. But there is one other person that has super powers.

Craig: Who?

Sherry: What do you mean ‘who?’ She… oh… yeah… you were at Oakville last semester.

Craig: Yeah, I kinda want to go back… if it wasn’t for you, I’d leave.

Sherry: Aw, you’re so sweet! Anyway, let’s hope Nicole will help us.

[they enter the Prep Patrol lair]

Prep: What do you want Freaks? I know we are at peace and all, but that doesn’t mean you can just walk into our lair!

Nicole: Let them in. They’re OK. What can I do for you, Sherry and… and… and you are?

Craig: I’m Craig.

Nicole: Ah, yes, the famous Craig. What can I do for you two?

Sherry: We were wondering if it was possible for you to break the PP/NDF Alliance that was formed some time ago and help us exact revenge on Nathan and Tree.

[Nicole’s jaw drops and she begins to drool]

Nicole: [in a mock German accent] That arranged, can be.

Craig: Thank you, nice lady, we’d do it ourselves, but they have super powers, or at least that’s what I’m told. Oakville wasn’t this weird.

Sherry: We prefer to think of Mehlville as ‘interesting and fun,’ not weird.

Craig: Whatever.

Nicole: Let’s get our plan together, shall we?

[All laugh as the scene fades out]

Narrator: The next day… a very sunny day… freshly fallen snow… but there is still school.

Scene: The cafeteria.

Tree: I heard Sherry talking to Craig last night…

Nathan: So? They’re practically going out.

Tree: No, there was a sense of… of evil! [the cafeteria lights fade as she says the word ‘evil’]

Emily: Cool… lemme try! [clears throat] Evil.

Nathan: Nothing happened.

Emily: I know! Don’t rub it in!

Tree: Anyway, I think Sherry is actually following up on her plan for revenge against us, Nate.

Nathan: Naw… she wouldn’t dare, we’ve got super powers.

Tree: Yeah, the only other person with super powers is Nicole, and she joined her Patrol with the Force last year. We’re practically best of allies!

Nathan: Yeah! [smiles very largely]

Tree: Creepy, man.

Scene: Sherry’s house.

[the doorbell rings and Sherry opens the door to find Craig]

Craig: Partner in crime here.

Sherry: But I don’t have a partner in crime.

[Nathan]

Craig: You do now ma’am. [porno music plays]

Mrs. Feero: [yells from the kitchen] Rocky! Don’t play that music on the piano any more!!

[Craig and Sherry run up to her room]

Sherry: Nicole should be joining us shortly so she can give us an overview of the plan.

Craig: Great, until she gets here, why don’t we…

[Nicole teleports herself into Sherry’s room]

Sherry: Oh, Nicole, good to see you.

Craig: [disappointedly] yeah, great to see you.



Sherry: What’s that?

[the siren gets louder until a car is heard in the driveway]

Craig: Oh no! I didn’t mean to steal the pen from the post office!! NO!!!!

[the front door is broken down and footsteps are heard coming up the stairs]

Craig: Before we’re thrown in jail… I want to tell you something, Sherry…

[six men dressed in uniforms barge into the room shouting]

Lead officer: That’s enough of the Sherry-Craig jokes for one drama series! I’m ordering a cessation in all jokes relating to the status of the friendship between Craig and Sherry… under penalty of death! [points to the screen]

[the camera turns in such a way to reveal the officer pointing to the writer sitting on the other side of Sherry’s room]

Writer: [has a sign around his neck with the word ‘writer’ on it] What? It’s funny though!

Officer: That may be true, but it’s gotten stale. Now stop!

Writer: Ok, fine…

[the officers leave and the writer seems to be erasing the rest of the script and muttering]

Writer: That’s just great, now I have to rewrite 70% of the script!

Craig: I don’t mind the jokes…

[the officers appear]

Officer: Hey! What did we tell you!

Writer: I didn’t write that! I swear!

Craig: True, I said it myself.

Officer: Oh.

[the officers and the writer all leave]

Nicole: Um… well… that was weird. But, okay, let’s start our plan now!

Sherry: Yeah! I can’t wait to make Nathan pay for all his arrogance over the years and the way he treats me!

Craig: What do you mean ‘the way he treats’ you? I thought you two were friends since elementary school.

Sherry: Yeah, but… but… he’s always made me feel bad inside… like I don’t matter and he takes me for granted! But now… now he’ll never take me for granted again! HAHAHA!!!!

Nicole: Excellent, you are filled with rage… that is essential for revenge plots!

[Suddenly the light in the room is absorbed into a central point toward the middle of the room and eventually Shadow appears]

Nicole: Shadow! Why are you here? I thought you were a part of the Paradise Computer Program, and that was destroyed along with the rest of Quebec!

Shadow: The intricacies of my existence are far too complicated for any of you to understand, especially you, Sherry.

Sherry: Hey! Leave me alone!

Shadow: I have come to help you three exact revenge upon Nathan and Theresa. Why? Because it all fits into my master’s glorious plan… but perhaps I’ve said too much. [eyes become shifty as if he is about to kill someone, suspenseful music plays for duration of eye shifting, which is 5 minutes]

Nicole: Ok, so why don’t you come up with a plan? To prove your loyalty to us!

Shadow: I thought you’d say that. Coincidentally, I have a perfect plan already in place. It involves Nate and Tree’s only respective weaknesses!

Sherry: Ha… that’s impossible… they have no weaknesses.

Nicole: No, not physically… I know personally. But aside from increased mental capacity, they are as vulnerable to various temptations as you and Craig are.

Craig: So you’re saying, Mr. Shadow, sir, that you have somehow figured out the one temptation they cannot ignore?

Shadow: That’s right. It’s kinda like Superman’s Kryptonite.

Scene: Gym A, next morning

Nathan: [while walking through crowds of people] What a fine day it is today…



Nathan: Why, if that isn’t the most peculiar thing I’ve seen all day.

[Emily runs up to Nathan, out of breath and apparently in a state of panic]

Nathan: What’s wrong, Emily? I was about to eat this unexplained cake.

Emily: I checked the script… don’t eat the cake… and while I was checking it I realized that with Sherry off conspiring against you… I have no one to help me with a zany get-rich-quick scheme! [begins softly crying]

Nathan: Hmm… well… we need some plot twist right about now in the story anyway… why don’t I make you my and Tree’s sidekick.

Emily: Wow… I don’t know what to say! Thank you!

[Aaron comes running into the gym]

Aaron: Nathan, sir, there’s something wrong in the hallways! The Preps, they’re starting something, I know it! Shall I mobilize the Force sir?

Nathan: That won’t do much good if the Preps have decided to rebel. The Force incorporated many Preps after we invaded Quebec, they wanted to be cool. [scoffs]

Aaron: True, there may be enemy spies within the ranks! I’ll assemble a team to do some searching and determine if any Preps in the Force have been acting strangely.

Nathan: Good, and trust no one.

Aaron: Aye, sir.

[Aaron leaves]

Nathan: As your first duty as my sidekick, go bring Theresa here. On your way alert everyone in the halls that I have called a student meeting to order in the gym.

Emily: Sure thing, be right back.

[Several minutes pass as students begin filing into the gym. An angry Mr. Viviano and other principals make their way through the throng of students to Nathan]

Viviano: What is the meaning of this?? These students should be in class! I will not have you turn this school into a war zone again!

Nathan: [leans close to Viviano’s ear] I would leave right now sir, I know that you planned a mass extermination of students last year to solve budget problems.

Viviano: Very well… just keep it brief please.

[principals leave gym]

[Theresa walks up to where Nathan is standing on the stage]

Theresa: I just counted and every student is here.

Nathan: Great. Just to get you up to speed, Aaron reported that Preps in the hallway a few minutes ago were acting up, talking of rebellions and such. We have concluded that some Prep spies implanted themselves into the Force during that enlistment craze after our return from the invasion of Canada.

Theresa: Those dirty Preps, stop at nothing they will to make our lives harder.

Nathan: Indeed. [to all students] Friends, Natopians, Classmates, lend me your ears!

Random student: [shouts] Over used cliché!!

Nathan: Lighten up! Jeeze. I thought it was humorous… anyway… I have received report from my most trusted officer, Supreme Commander Aaron, that certain members of the Prep clique have been yelling things in the hallway that may be viewed as rebellious and traitorous. Also, using the most advanced psychological analyzing equipment at our disposal, we have determined that an undetermined number of Preps have joined the Defense Force with the intention of [dramatic pause and suspenseful music] espionage! [shocked revelation music]

[Before anyone can react, Nicole, Shadow, Sherry, and Craig appear]

Shadow: Nicole, we shall implement part one of our glorious plan! Combine powers!!!!

[Both Nicole and Shadow direct a beam of energy to Sherry and Craig]

Sherry: Excellent, excellent!! I have the power now!

Craig: Oooh, its all tingly feeling! Cool!

Nathan: No! It cannot be! All three of them have powers? And Shadow? Why are you here??

Shadow: None of your concern.

Nicole: We outnumber you, 2 to 1. Nathan, you will pay for your arrogance toward Sherry and your disinterest towards me! And, um, Craig doesn’t like you because Sherry is mad at you!

Tree: Oh no, what do we do? We can’t possibly ask the NDF to fight; they wouldn’t stand a chance against 3 super humans and Shadow!

Nathan: I don’t know… I just don’t know…

[Camera pans to Nathan’s worried face, as scene fades Nathan sticks out his tongue]

End of Episode 4